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Your Second’s Journey

Hey, it’s Nathan. This is the "Welcome" series for How to be Second, especially built for us that are "Seconds", this kind of person. If you signed up for the email list, you're probably already getting these! But of course, you can absorb them as fast as you'd like.

Here's the whole series:

Buying into Your Self (A Second?)

Introducing H2B2 and your Second's Community

OK, I’m a Second… now what?

  • Opportunity Development
  • Personal Development
  • Professional Development

What's the Second's Journey?

Today I’m unpacking “The Second’s Journey”.

It’s pretty common to hear, at some point, “Thanks for helping me understand this, but what else do I need?” or at least “I don’t need anything right now but I’m glad this exists!”

We know everyone who is “this kind of person” is navigating their own life journey, which gets pretty wild but also pretty cyclical (even speaking as someone who is still only halfway through it!) We believe that “Secondness” is a part of a person, just like height, which means this has been part of you for your whole life, and will be for the rest of it. (Crazy, right?)

At a high level, we say we support Seconds through the (cyclical, sometimes overlapping!) journey of Growing Alone to Going Together to Growing Together, and we’ve broken out some of the big stages of the journey below.

The point is, if this is part of who you are and you’re going to be you the whole time, it’s likely you’ll travel through some different situations, and H2B2 is working to build resources (Community, Guides, Connections, etc) at every point along that journey.

As an example, here’s a bit about how my own journey -

How my journey of Secondness started

How owning my Secondness has COST me

How owning my Secondness has HELPED me

Here’s that list of a few primary points along a Second’s journey:

Being a Second (by Identity) but not knowing about the identity

The Realization Moment: Learning about the identity of Secondness

Finding your Second’s Community (and ‘sanity’)

Learning to “Go Together” and “Grow Together”

Personal Development as a Second

  • Self Discovery – “Am I a “Second?” and “Which one?”
  • Owning your value for yourself (+As a Second)
  • Understanding your “Figure it out” muscles are also a blindspot
  • Separating your value from your Role/s from your Identity
  • The Deep End (Nuance in identity &/vs personality)

Professional Development as a Second

  • Looking for Work (+As a Second)
  • Learning more about the “Second in Command” (SCMD) role specifically
  • Going and Growing Together as a FCMD/SCMD pair
  • The pressures on your body of Wearing the Jacket of any role/s you choose
  • Being in professional communities as a Second (maybe ours!)

Interestingly, there are some common questions or pains at these different moments.

Like, during job transition, it’s incredibly common for Seconds to struggle to communicate the value of being a generalist and having a resume that looks more like a jackson pollock painting than a career trajectory. We investigated that and now we speak to it and have other resources for it.

Or while HAVING a job, Seconds often struggle with a very odd version of “Imposter Syndrome” that we actually call knowing what 10 is, and actually being able to advocate for their own skill level.

Or during the “Am I a Second?” moment, the question “Am I still a Leader if I’m a Second?” pops up a lot. To which we say, 1000% yes, and you’ll likely become a better leader because it forces you to consider how you’re defining “Leader”.

All of this is part of the reason we have our “4 Quarterly Themes” at How to be Second, and we continue diving into the work of SELF around here - because understanding how our “Secondness” shows up isn’t a one and done thing; it’s a continual unpacking of who we are and it hits us in different situations. Like for these people, all thinking about their Secondness in different parts of their own journeys, whether in a job, in transition, or just being with themselves:

“The weekly email never misses - there’s always a line that hits home. Here’s the gem from this week: “Seconds don’t ask for help because they present problems like projects; they don’t say them out loud unless they’ve already made a plan.” Ouch - that one hit hard.

“This helped me learn more about myself. Like a diary I wish I’d written.”

“How to be Second and why it matters? A few weeks into my DoD Skill Bridge it clicked: I wasn’t just gaining experience, I was finally recognizing the leadership I’ve already lived. For those transitioning from Military to Civilian roles, embrace your experience as a Second, organizations highly value you, even if it’s not explicitly stated.”

Along the journey that you’re on, all of this (gestures around at H2B2-ness) IS NOT a Marketing Funnel. I think about it like a big party at the ocean; there are plenty of people who hang out on the beach right where they land, some who show up ready for the water, and some who have been looking for a place to scuba dive for a while now. You’re welcome to stay on the beach, but you’re ALWAYS going to be invited to go deeper into the understanding (and valuing) of your self, and to go together rather than alone.

That was a lot - but we always like to ask what you’re ready for next: To grow alone, or go (and grow) together?

If you're ready to grow alone:

You could check out the next parts of this series (if you're on the email sequence, do nothing, it'll just show up)

If you'd like to listen to what it feels like to "Be this person", especially contrasted with a "Dreamer" type, the One Second podcast is for exactly that experience

If you're ready to stay on the pulse of H2B2 and the community, you can make sure you're set to get the weekly email

If you're ready to go (and grow) together:

You can register for the Monthly Meetup and come spend some time in community - or check out the main nav and touch base for what's interesting to you, and talk to a real person about that!