H2B2 State of the year Q3 2024

Hey, it’s Nathan.

Today I’m publishing the 3nd Quarterly update for the year.

• In January, I wrote about the state of the year for 2024 and the Vision overall.
• In April I wrote the 1st Quarterly update for the year, and the Flywheel.
• In July I wrote about How to be Second as a movement, and The Second’s Journey

1. WHY THAT 2027 TARGET?
2. What’s in Q4 and What makes a good community?
3. Stats for the year

In the beginning of 2024, I laid out the state of the vision and mission.

The Overall Vision is to be an organization that Champions and Supports Seconds.

And I also brought up the 2027 targets, which included this:

“H2B2 is the FIRST place people think to point Seconds, and the first place a Second SHOULD go, when considering how to take the next step in their career.”

So, of ALL the things that could have been chosen as the focus for the first few years for a movement around identity… WHY WOULD THE FIRST TARGETS INCLUDE FINDING JOBS?

Because there is a cost to owning your value.

Perhaps for you that cost is professional, or relational. It’s certainly emotional. It may be financial.

Sometimes perhaps, several of those at once.

That can really be true of any part of yourself, let alone your Secondness.

It’s (usually) fun to discover things about yourself, and helpful when you name those things. How to be Second helps you (and others) discover something that’s always been true about yourself, and we’ve infused a word with definition and meaning so you can express it to yourself and others easier, and keep learning about the shape it has.

And, there is a harsh truth to self actualization – however much people like Simon Sinek don’t like Maslow’s Hierarchy, it holds validity – if you are not breathing, you probably aren’t thinking much about your identity. Similarly, if you can’t pay the rent or eat, you probably don’t have much time (or care) to think about identity.

I’ve watched several seasons of the the show “Alone”. The basic premise is to, completely alone, ‘out-survive’ 9 other people (also completely alone) in the Alaskan wilderness. Last one standing wins a million dollars.

Watching the (often rapid) decline of these wildly capable humans due to hunger and loneliness, is simultaneously awe inspiring and heartbreaking. In a timespan of typically less than 50 days, these humans all come to the same conclusions as they reach the tap out point – hunger is terrifying and makes worse everything that you do and think. (Also, to Simon’s credit, they realize there’s no point to ANY of this if you’re truly alone.)

So while we are focused on identity and providing opportunities for Seconds to be in community and find and own this part of themselves… that’s a hell of a lot easier when you’re not going hungry.

And frankly, if you’re NOT a second, then we might STILL have provided great resources to help you find a way to trade some hours for dollars and, possibly, meaning… and that seems good for everyone.

Also, there is a literal cost to owning your value – as you work at digging in and developing yourself in this way, together, you will have to pay money for help sometimes – literally owning your value. The people who can do this work of self alongside us – the coaches, therapists, directors, guides, mentors, etc…. They ALSO have to eat! They need paid for the good and valuable work that they do, and if it’s good for Seconds to own our own value, it means paying them their value!

I believe I have a high tolerance for leaving what is “comfortable, but small” and venturing into the wilderness to find something better… and still, having anyone around to help me find a way to pay the rent has been game changing in my ability to attempt finding better things for myself.

For big chunks of my life I haven’t had that in a meaningful way, and it’s meant long stints in unhealthy places.

As Seconds, we typically function on having a key relationship, being resourced, and being recognized… often in that order. If you’re missing those, it likely means you’re already struggling in some way. 

I don’t want to say that struggle or stress are unique to Seconds… I don’t even mean to say that all stress is “Bad”. Life will never be (and doesn’t need to be, and perhaps should not be) stress free. That’s not the point.

In chapter 3 of the book, I describe my own life experience of really struggling to find a role where I fit, and was valued. Even when I found the word integrator, and the EOS ecosystem, and started using the word within groups of people who supposedly knew what that was… no one cared. I didn’t experience ‘visionaries’ flocking to give me opportunities, I more often experienced other people using the same language trying to outcompete me for the few opportunities that seemed to exist. 

So, even armed with a word specifically meaning this particular thing in a system that specifically said it valued this thing in an ecosystem that specifically believed in that thing… I couldn’t find a way to pay my rent by being that thing, or using that word.

Owning my value in this identity has meant being willing to occasionally take roles or jobs that don’t look anything like a second in command type role – And at the same time they’ve allowed me to pay the rent… AND THEN, afford a coach, counselor, or spiritual director.

As Scott Galloway put it, “Money CAN buy happiness… to a point.” Which sounds a lot like what those Alone contestants realized: a lack of basic necessities makes it very hard to focus on anything else.

Seconds are naturally risk averse, and care about the HOW – a strength and a weakness. If owning our value means getting fired, which might mean not paying the rent, which might mean destroying your relationships… Well, who needs to own their value anyway?

Being fed, and my family being fed, lets me think well enough to focus on finding a mentor, finding community, investing in my Second’s Nature. 

On not investing my time in places that do not value who I am or what I bring. 

To leave some places and go to others, moving forward in owning my own value – not all the sudden, but continuously. 

And that’s why THAT 2027 target, and why the first years of How to be Second are focused on making it easier for Seconds to find work… hopefully where they can find relationships, resources, and recognition.

I posit that one of the core things that makes a GOOD community, are agreements around behaviors. Both what we will, and will not, do. And I’ll unpack that in the context of the monthly meetup.

We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the monthly meetup, as it is now 1 year old. It’s become a foundational good for the community, and with the help of several fellow Seconds (and specifically Samantha and Chris) we’ve put down a longer term structure for these!

So, we’ll have a Monthly Meetup, with Quarterly Themes, on a Yearly Cycle.

Our Quarterly Themes through the year will look like this:

Q1 – Doing the work of the second in command

Q2 – Roles vs Identity

Q3 – Personality &/vs identity

Q4 – The cost of owning your value

And we think that (largely) the structure is pretty good – but we’ll be sending a survey out to everyone to ask for feedback on several aspects of it.

And… a FEW parts of it are sorta baked. Because they align to our community agreements.

For those of you that don’t know, I grew up in a very small town by most standards. I’ve attended some sort of church for 90% of my life, including helping start and grow one. I’ve been in groups, camps, guilds, bands, for profits, non profits, associations, etc, and have ended up in some form of leadership of most of those.

This idea of “How do we do community?” has come up almost every time, whether we’ve used exactly those words or not. Someone always asks, at some point, WHO are we? Do we have Rules or T-shirts or maybe Tattoos? Are we only boys or girls or emo kids or country kids or scorpios or libras or kids who play call of duty or soccer? And then someone asks, WHOSE are we, and how do we show it? Is it the tattoo, or the hoodie, or the logo, or the words I use?

Strangely, I hear the word “community” more in the last few years than I ever did growing up. Maybe it’s a little Baader Meinhof of me, but it feels like recently people are using it all over the place.

And I’m struck that the term is largely being used to replace the term “followers” or “fans”… because those words have become more negative? In any case, the use feels pretty flimsy – it doesn’t bring a sense of connection to me when I hear it, most of the time. I use Canva all the time, but I don’t have a sense of what the “Canva community” is about, you know?

Well, I/we use the term “community” all the time also. The How to be Second community. And I’ve felt confident using that term, and still do… so why is that?

And I think the difference that I’ve seen so far comes down to our agreements around behaviors.

Let me circle back to the monthly meetup as an example…

When we started the meetup 1 year ago, we had 8 people register, and 8 people attended. That included David, myself, and the speaker. =)

We now have ~30 people register on average each month, and ~25 attend. For those doing the math, that’s an ~80% attendance to registration rate, a year later.

Also, each month, of the 2-6 people who register and can’t make it, most of them email me personally and apologize (which both makes me appreciate you all, and also it’s the most “Second” thing that’s ever been.)

I’ve mentioned that to people, and they are astounded. 80% attendance to registration? Every month? How?

Well, one of the behaviors that we say we live by at How to be Second is “to help Seconds to own for themselves who they are and how that’s valuable.”

Which has taken shape in the real world as… not creating a standing calendar invite.

Inconvenient? It sure is. On both sides. 

On purpose.

Every month, you have to choose how you will spend that 90 minutes, and commit to it actively. You have to decide whether investing in building relationships in this community is valuable. You have to own your time for yourself.

ALSO, we don’t record our meetups! Because the value is in the community, not the “content.”

Oh, and there’s also the actual “agreements” that I restate every. Single. Month. For everyone who is at a meetup. I’d guess at least a dozen people are bored sick of me repeating those by now, hahahaha

Anyway, “How do we agree to behave together, both what we WILL do, and WILL NOT do.” is, I believe, a core point of what makes a good community.

And one of the things that we will do is to continue to make a space for whoever wants to, to gather together (virtually), once a month, to be together, and talk, and ask questions, and build relationships with other Seconds.

I set out some ambitious targets for the year, and honestly, I’m pretty excited about what’s done so far – because this is the EXECUTION that moves all the IDEAS forward.

• Q3 Emails – 12/13 (37 of 39 YTD)
• Q3 Meetups – 3/3 (9 of 9 YTD)
• Q3 LNKD Posts – 75/70 (190 of 210 YTD)

Yearly – Board of Advisors Started and Meeting Monthly (Done)

Yearly – Matchmaking work started (Done)

Yearly – 4 public speaking appearances (Done)

Yearly – Continue facilitating HEA Group (On Track)

Yearly – Attempt to secure one Corporate “What’s a Second” training (Done)

Yearly – Start conversations with 10 potential collaboration partners (Done)

As I mentioned in the beginning, I expect to continue down this road of developing resources for Seconds along their journey. Sometimes links, sometimes products, whatever. Always with “What is good for Seconds?” in mind.

Looking forward to continuing to have you along for the ride, and excited about whatever energy you choose to invest into the flywheel.

Finding a Job as a Second

At any point, you may find yourself in need of new work. If you do, here are some tactical resources to get you accelerated in doing that.

• Agreements with Self
• Finding the right job postings
• Seconds, Roles, Expectations, Issues
• Building relationships with recruiting firms
• Knowing WHO you are
• Networking